4 Tips for Breaking Free from a Negativity Rut

4 Tips for Breaking Free from a Negativity RutRecently I read and pinned this post from the awesome Dating Divas about some of the top things husbands wish their wives knew.

Today, I’d like to share with you the most convicting part of that list for me. Reading the first few, there were definitely things I could work on here and there but, once I got to number 7, my heart sunk.

Number 7 was all about how attractive and important it is to our husbands that we, as wives, be positive, always looking on the bright side.

You see, just a few days before reading the article, I felt my heart being convicted about being too negative and critical.

At the time, we were staying in a condo in Florida while my husband was in training for the military for two months, and I was around 8 months pregnant. I found myself complaining about lots of little things, often jokingly, but complaining none the less.

I missed our bed.

I missed having an oven that would stay at the right temperature.

I was annoyed that the only bathroom in the condo was upstairs.

You get the idea. But, do you want to know the really crazy part?

I was deliriously happy! I was thrilled to be able to attend the training with my husband so that he wouldn’t miss the birth of our first child. Our condo was right on the Gulf of Mexico. When I opened the windows, I could hear the waves crashing. It was beautiful! And I couldn’t wait for our baby girl to be born.

And somehow none of the words coming out of my mouth were expressing that happiness. Instead, I was voicing the few minor annoyances that impacted my days.

Why is it always easier to express the negative rather than to name all of our blessings?

I didn’t even realize I was doing it until my loving husband made a very sweet and subtle comment (I honestly can’t even remember his exact words, although I’m sure he was nicer than I deserved!) about focusing on good things instead of bad.

That was a wake up call for me.

And then I read the Dating Divas article a few days later, which really drove home how much my negativity was impacting my husband and our marriage, not to mention my mood and outlook.

We’ve all read the verses, right?

“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24).

 “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm” (Proverbs 27:15).

And my personal favorite:

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat of its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21).

I find it interesting that the very next verse in Proverbs says this:

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a connection is made between marriage and the impact of our words.

The words that come from our tongues impact those around us, namely our spouses. It is up to us whether we want to be the contentious woman whose poor husband has to live on the roof to get away from her and whose words sow death or be the woman who brings blessings and favor to her husband.4 Tips for Breaking Free from a Negativity Rut

So I decided that it was time for a change! Here are some things I’m going to be working on to make sure that I’m creating a positive, loving environment for my family:

1. Think before I speak.

If I have a negative thought that is clearly unproductive (meaning that mentioning it won’t serve to make anything better), I will keep it to myself.

2. Look at the bright side.

If I find myself entertaining negative thoughts, I will take time to focus on all of the good things.

Annoyed at the oven for not working? I will praise God for the ability to cook for and feed my family, for His provision, and for my wonderful husband who goes to work every day to provide for us.

Frustrated because I have to walk up the stairs for the millionth time to use the bathroom (did I mention I was 8 months pregnant?)? I will be thankful for the exercise and the ability to climb those stairs, thankful for indoor plumbing, whatever I need to think to get out of the negativity rut! 🙂

There is always a bright side, it’s up to us to focus on it.

3. Purposefully speak more words of positivity.

Rather than just refraining from saying negative things, I will actively promote positivity in our home. I will regularly express my gratitude to God and to my husband.

4. Pray for a change in my heart attitude.

God can and will deliver us from negativity, we need only seek Him!

I’m praying that these four steps will help me to change my negative ways! If you’re struggling with negativity, I’d love it if you would join me in working on these things!

Let’s help each other! Let me know in the comments below if being negative is ever a problem for you and what you do to break free from it!

I’m linking up at these amazing blog hops!


56 thoughts on “4 Tips for Breaking Free from a Negativity Rut

    1. It’s a daily struggle for me too! It just amazes me that I can be so happy and so blessed and still find reasons to be negative. I can’t even imagine where I’d be without God! Thank you so much for commenting 🙂

  1. Bree, I always say that the Lord uses blog posts to teach me a consistent lesson from week to week. It seems my lesson this week is the contentious wife on the rooftop…

    I didn’t used to be a negative person, but it seems I have very much become a negative person. I blame others negativity and then join in. But the only thing I can control is my own attitude and happiness, nobody elses. The way to do that is to practice the four things you listed.

    I appreciate so much your sharing these with us. I especially took to heart the first tool to stop negativity which is to think before I speak, especially if it is going to be unproductive.

    When around negative people, I have said that it is like having someone blow cigarette smoke in your face. I don’t want to be that person any longer that is blowing cigarette smoke into their faces.

    I am so glad I stopped by to read such an edifying post. Thank you.

    1. Karen, I’m so glad you stopped by again today to share such a powerful comment. Overcoming negativity can be such a struggle. I’m so thankful that we can learn from each other! What a great way to think about it: Negativity is like blowing smoke in someone’s face. So true and a great reminder of how unpleasant to be around we can be when we’re focused on bad things rather than good. Thank you for the comment!

  2. I have thought the same thing about myself, especially when I tell my husband about my day at home with our little boys. I have been trying to conscientiously choose to tell him the funny stories rather than complaining about all the frustrating moments. I’m still far from cured of negativity, but it helps. Thanks for the post. 🙂

    1. I can relate! I definitely have to fight the temptation to tell my husband all the bad or annoying things that have happened as soon as he walks in the door from work. And I’m sure I’ll struggle even more once our little girl gets here! But it seems to help if I hold off until after dinner when we’re both more relaxed and then we’re able to just laugh about all the things that seemed bad earlier. And I agree: Every little bit helps! 🙂 Thank you for the comment!

  3. Bree, I am right there with you sister! For some reason it’s so easy to see the negative, but we have to search for the beauty. Even when we see the beauty sometimes we only express the negative. I will be working on these things as well! Thanks for sharing!

    1. My husband is the same way! I think that’s why they can see it so much more easily than we seem to be able to. Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

    1. I felt the same way! I’m not a fan of that sinking feeling when I know I’m being convicted by the Holy Spirit, but I also know that it’s necessary. I’m so glad we can support each other in this! Thank you so much for sharing! Also, I’m loving the #SHINEbloghop! Thank you for hosting 🙂

  4. Thank you for the heartfelt, encouraging admonition, Bree. Definitely something I want to be working on. I especially appreciate your point to not just stop the negative comments but purposefully replace them with positive, grateful ones. And I’ll have to admit that I noticed this link in SHINE, but scrolled right past it – then the Holy Spirit prompted me to come back to it . . . glad I did. 🙂

  5. We women set the tone for our homes! Always. I remember moments in our marriage when the girls were younger, always complaining. Then one day, I heard my children complaining, about nothing really, just always picking at stuff. I realized, humbling myself here, they were modeling my attitudes. Conviction! So I had to get a few things right with my heart and attitude and changed things around quickly. This is great! Appreciate you sharing this at Party at My Place this week. Pinning this!

    1. Thank you for sharing that story! Just another reminder of how important it is to stay away from negativity. I love that: We women set the tone for our homes. I need to remember that! Thanks for visiting again, and it’s been great sharing at Party at My Place 🙂

  6. What a great reminder! Honestly I think it’s easy for a lot of us to let negativity leak out. Another commenter was so right- we do set the tone in our homes. I loved this post! xoShannon

  7. So much goodness in this! I love the encouragement you are sharing here. It can be so easy to zero in on the negative side rather than to focus on the good. Thanks for being so honest and sharing hope for us all!

    1. Thank you for the kind words! It was so great reading your post today and realizing that so many of us are struggling with- and working on- the same things. I’m definitely still a work in progress, but I just pray that I’m moving in the right direction- toward Christ- each day!

  8. Hi Bree,
    This is my first stop here and I loved it! What a great post. It is tooooooo easy to get stuck in a negativity rut and you give great suggestions for getting out and staying out!
    Blessings and smiles,

    1. I know that feeling! As much as I maybe don’t like it at times, I’m grateful that He loves us enough to make it clear when we need to change something. I’m so glad you stopped by!

  9. It is easy to be negative–I have been there and still need to work on this. Your post is excellent and I like the steps you are taking. Here is the blessing: when we are thankful and seeing the positive, we have joy. Have a wonderful weekend! I’m visiting from Faith Filled Friday.

    1. You’re so right, we don’t have to get bogged down in everything that we are doing wrong because our joy is in Christ. That is an amazing blessing! 🙂 Thank you so much for the comment!

  10. What great tips, Bree! It’s super easy for me to get stuck in that negativity rut for no good reason. I’ve noticed that when I’m actively focused on counting my blessings it’s a lot harder to see the negative. What a thought, huh? 🙂
    Wishing you blessings especially as you prepare to welcome your little bundle of joy!
    Marva | sunSPARKLEshine recently posted…5 Ways to Make Him Significant AgainMy Profile

    1. It’s a constant battle for me as well. I’m glad my husband is so patient with me and even more glad that God forgives my often ungrateful attitude. We are so blessed! 🙂

  11. Bree – these are great! I know I often fall into a negativity trap… I usually turn on the worship music and sing, that way my thoughts don’t come out of my mouth. They can be changed most times with a few good songs.

    So glad you shared this with #TheCozyReadingSpot

    1. I love that! Listening to Christian music really helps me as well. I try to remember to turn it on while I’m working around the house, it makes such a difference! Thank you for stopping by!

  12. Thank you for your wonderful post! It is such a great reminder! I try to remind myself whenever I want the newest and latest gadget, or to redo the kitchen, how grateful I should be for the kitchen and how blessed I really am. Found you through the Family Joys Link Up and so glad!


    1. That’s such a great attitude to have when we want something that we don’t currently have! We really are so blessed, and it’s uplifting to take time to remember that! Thank you for visiting and commenting!

  13. It’s awfully hard to stay positive sometimes. We have to be determined to stay positive, lol. Our attitude is really a choice…we have to choose to be positive or negative upon opening our eyes in the morning 🙂 I c certainly struggle with this at times. My kids went to church camp a few years ago and the preacher had this saying (and he got everyone else to repeat it) “Gratitude Attitude”. I say that to myself sometimes to remind me to be grateful. Great post!

    1. I love that! I need to remember it when I find myself moving toward negativity (which is way more often than I would like!). I agree, though, it’s a choice. We just have to be intentional about making the choice each day. Thank you for the comment!

    1. Thank you for the feature, Shellie! I’m so glad you visited! See you at the Thursday Favorite Things Blog Hop later this week 🙂

      1. This was right on for me. I have been sick for about four days and my husband has been great waiting on me. 🙂 Then, today I started feeling better. I overheard him on the phone telling someone (half joking; half not) that I must be feeling better today since I am being bossy. It made me stop and rethink what he said. I certainly don’t mean to be bossy. It just comes easy for some people. 😉 So then I see your link and read your sweet message. Thanks for reminding me we can’t make excuses for own behavior but can rely on Christ to help us.

        1. Aw I love this, Eleanor! Sometimes all it takes it a comment from someone we love to make us realize we need to work on something. And I’m so thankful as well that we don’t have to work on things alone, we have Christ to see us through!

  14. Wow what a thought provoking post Bree! I love what you said about being so blessed by our Savior but still having room to express negativity. a wonderful reminder that Satan is busy working to destroy our joy and our testimony for Christ. I am striving to be better with not only the negative things I say but also think because it starts in the mind. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt post. I glad I found your site via Thankful Thursdays. Love what you are doing here! Have a wonderful weekend and may God richly bless you and yours!
    Horace@pleasingtothePotter.com recently posted…A Parent’s Love is Beautiful,Unique,and UnconditionalMy Profile

    1. I agree, it’s so important to keep careful watch not just on our words but on our thoughts too. Thank you so much for visiting and commenting!

  15. Thank you for sharing this reminder to stay positive with #SocialButterflySunday! It is crazy to think that there can be so many blessings going on around us, and we can find the one or two bad things that are going on. I am guilty of this as well at times. Blessings and hope to see you join the link up again this week 🙂
    Kelly @RaisingSamuels recently posted…Social Butterfly Sunday #40My Profile

    1. It really is crazy how it’s possible to be negative in the midst of so much blessing! But I know that He isn’t finished with me yet, and I am very thankful for that! 🙂

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